Father’s day was a while back, but I just wasn’t in the space to put together a post then. Phew!

You see, for a very long while, I was pretty close to my dad. I remember him coming to my room at night and muttering quietly ‘iwo omo yi sha’ and then lowering the fan and AC which I always placed on the highest – always. I remember on Friday nights  during my university days when he and the driver will drive through the gates and the first question he would ask the guard is – ‘is Toyin back from school?’ I remember how even though we all got our allowance, my dad would go grocery and provision shopping for me and tell me not to tell my siblings about it or I’d get into big trouble with them. I remember how he changed this strategy and ensured the car he took to church took me to school, so he’ll just stop over and go provision shopping and fill up the boot of the car with provisions and of course, when the driver took me to school, he had to help carry my ‘weekly (more like monthly supply) of provisions and drop them at the door of my room. 

My dad beat/spanked me only once. I guess my shock at being beaten or spanked by him has guaranteed it remaining fresh in my memory till date. My siblings and I had stayed awake past our bedtime and were sneaking to watch a series my dad and mom were watching together. To be fair, they were watching their series in our living room, not theirs; I guess that gave us the right to sneak in and watch right? No! Absolutely not! For the records my dad had very sharp ears; I’m guessing he heard us shuffling while trying as much as possible to remain quiet. Well, he caught us. And no; it wasn’t mummy who punished us this time – which was the regular… it was daddy! Papi Thomas (which was the knick name I gave my dad) instantly produced his belt and punished us accordingly; when it was my turn he asked me to stretch out my hand; I did, expecting a little tap… I mean my dad never punished me… but then I felt the impact of the belt on my hand! It wasn’t the pain that shocked me but the fact that he actually really beat me. 

I remember when I’d offend my mom and she would want to ‘deal with me’, my dad always came to my rescue. Until this fateful day when mummy wanted to ‘pounce on me’ and as usual I ran to daddy; but this day he said in a matter of fact way and with a plain expression – ‘go to your mother’ and boy did she spank me in my dad’s presence for that matter and he did nothing! I was in shock! I felt betrayed, and refused to speak to my dad for days until he apologized and explained that he had to allow my mom to spank me… like really!

I remember how my dad will say profound Yoruba proverbs and ask me to interpret them. You’d be amazed by the few Yoruba proverbs I can interpret. Dad was a negotiator. He wasn’t one to shout. He was a timekeeper. He always believed in being on time. So, rather than shouting and ranting about us getting ready on time so he could take us to school; he gave us a promo – yep… you heard me. This was the deal. For every day we got ready on time and got into the car on time such that there was no way we were going to be late, he told us tales, stories, and fables. I remember the story of ‘Pepeye’ and ‘Ijapa’ the tortoise. I can go on and on and on. 

It’s been some years since he passed on and all these thoughts and more came flooding through my mind on Father’s Day.

So why am I going on about these? To would-be fathers… to fathers… to grandfathers… and more. Fatherhood isn’t about being perfect. It’s about doing your very best and giving your very best. It is about making a conscious effort to be there for your children/offspring. It is about setting a foundation for your little ones (well they may be all grown up now) that they can build on, and keep building on long after you are gone. It is awesome if you have all the money you need to give your children all they may ever want or need. But it doesn’t make you any less of a man, husband, or father if you give your all, ensuring that your children have the best within your abilities, and you strive day and night to offer the best to them – physically (being there literarily), emotionally (building trust, confidence, and being a safe haven as much as possible), financially (paying the bills… this is so important – as against leaving it all for your wife because you feel she can afford to pick the bill). 

Fatherhood isn’t just about doing the do and downloading the ‘juice’. It’s about being there… nurturing, guiding, building and so much more. It’s about being a good husband so your sons learn to be good husbands. It’s about being a role model so your children have a standard to live up to. 

This is not to say you have to be perfect (yep, I am repeating this again) Oh no! My dad was definitely not perfect. But I can say he tried absolutely. Ask yourself, what legacy are you leaving behind?

Another Father’s Day has come and gone. By the next Father’s Day there will be even more fathers. Now is a good time as ever to re-look things and start all over again if you have missed it one way or the other. Your family needs you – go back home. Be a good, not faulty head; and watch how you will be enthroned in your home like the king you truly are. 

Finally, this is important to note. Even if earthly fathers fail, there is a Father who will never fail you. If as a man you feel overwhelmed; you have a Father whom you can run to over and over again. Same applies if you are a woman. You see, He is the father of all; and the Father of all Fathers. He is the many breasted one; who will never leave you nor forsake you. He is Yahweh… and He is for you… now and forever more. 

Happy Father’s Day… in arrears…!