It had been a battle, one he faced constantly and longed for the day he would finally overcome it. His mind was the battleground and his thoughts, the weapon of warfare. He shivered at the contradiction of it all. He was well respected by all and sundry. He ‘dished’ out the ‘word’ seamlessly week in and week out, leaving thousands and even millions blessed, if you were to count the size of his congregation and online followers. Yet behind closed doors, it was a different story entirely.

He had perfected the act, though not intentionally. What else could he do? He didn’t want anything to bring reproach to his God, yet his insatiable desire ruled his life, his mind, his emotions and his being. The thought of getting ‘satisfaction’ outside was totally out of the question so he sought a way to feed his desire without implicating himself or anyone else for that matter. Little did he know that this little plan of his was going to lead to an addiction, way worse than the fire that brought him there in the first place!

She wasn’t sold out by his words but his physique blew her mind. She had never for once pretended to be one of those ‘churchy’ types, so when her friend had invited her for a revival service, she was convinced she had lost her mind. She had attended the service more out of curiosity than a desire to please her friend and definitely not a revival of any sort. She was intrigued by the praise and worship session and the choir packed with dashing beauties – both male and female – ‘dishing out’ amazing tunes. She was impressed by their ‘uniform’ which she had to admit some wore pretty well – actually killed it, while others well… she brushed it aside not willing to waste her time on badly clad individuals. 

He made it a point of duty to fast before every service. He felt better connected. The haze in his mind temporarily disappeared and he swore he could hear His voice, leading him, directing him and speaking through him. Many wondered why he bought the recording of every service. He smiled. If only they knew. Each one of them ministered to him, touching his heart, his soul, his being. They weren’t his words, he was certain of that. He felt the Spirit flow, the peace… so much more than he could comprehend. 

He had tried for days to put together the sermon. It just did not flow. He had tried to fast in preparation but for some reason, he just couldn’t do it. Nothing, absolutely nothing, seemed to be working. 

She had picked out the perfect outfit, one of her favourites; and the day before was spent at the spa and salon, the final effect was absolutely dashing if she could say so herself. The makeup artist had arrived just in time and helped her put the final touch she needed. She had stopped by at the boutique to pick up a matching hat but changed her mind at the last minute. She definitely wasn’t going to make herself uncomfortable just to fit in. 

He was running late. Obviously, his day had not gotten off to a good start. His steward had failed to pick up his suit from the dry cleaners and he had to settle for a top and denim trouser. He felt this was way too informal for the style his was known for. Interestingly, it made him look younger, somewhat more attractive. He smiled at his image in the mirror, then, the uneasiness he had been experiencing for the past few days overwhelmed him again. Strangely enough, his car refused to start. The driver had called in sick and getting this car out of the way so he could take any of his other cars was totally out of the question. Just then he got a call from Sister Cassandra. 

Cassandra wasn’t one to dangle the ‘carrot’ of the ‘the Spirit said’ to earn an exalted position in the ministry. Yet, she had been blessed with the gift of dreams – though sometimes she wandered if it was truly a blessing since she only dreamt about things to come and most of them if not all of them had an air of negativity around them. Like the dream, she had the night before Tayo lost her baby and that which she had a few minutes before she received a letter from her husband asking her for a divorce and apologizing that he had relocated to Canada with his long time lover. Then there was the dream about the military coup and the bloodshed that followed, and weeks later when it actually happened she had to constantly pinch herself to be sure that she wasn’t imagining things, but then the nasty pangs of labour was a definite reality check. She had had one of those dreams again, but this time about someone she totally loved and adored, not in the way a woman loves a man, no, rather he felt like home, more like the father she never had. She had taken it upon herself to pray and fast concerning this dream and knew she had to tell him, the problem was, she just couldn’t get the words right out of her mouth, and so when she finally called him she talked about everything but what was most paramount. 

The sound of the music made its way into his office as he did one last dry run of his sermon, yet for the first time ever, he struggled to focus. Just then he heard a knock at his door, and before he could mutter any words, the door opened. At first, he felt irritated. How on earth did someone get into his office at a time like this? Where on earth was his PA, the security, everyone? His thoughts drifted as his gaze moved from the ground up, it was a woman. She smiled at him, somewhat seductively. He closed his eyes. He didn’t need this, and definitely not now. He opened his eyes and found her pretty close to him. He quickly took a step backwards but tripped. She reached out and caught him, gazing fiercely into his eyes. Then she smiled, somewhat seductively revealing sparkling white teeth. It was then he noticed how strikingly beautiful she was. 

For some reason she could not explain, she wanted to bait him. No, she had no romantic feelings towards him, just the thrill of having him on her list of conquests. She had waited patiently through the praise and worship session but he was nowhere to be found. She wondered how this ‘church folk’ operated. After all, the service had started. She yawned. She was bored, and the nice music and ambience were fast losing their initial sparkle. She got up, strolled out of the auditorium, and walked around the complex casually. Suddenly, she saw a large tastefully furnished reception. She took it all in, very highly impressed, as the fresh French floral fragrance of the air freshener hit her nostrils. She walked in, curious as to what else she might find. She saw a door open in the distance; she approached it, walked in, and closed the door behind her. She was intrigued at the increasing level of opulence. This seemed like an office of some sorts, but there was no one in it apart from the TV showing live footage of the service. She smiled for a moment, for no reason in particular. Just then she saw the door bearing his name. Her heart skipped a beat. She approached it cautiously, adjusting her gown and hair as she did so. 

After a failed attempt at telling him about her dream, she had resolved to fast and stand in the gap on his behalf. She had planned to arrive at the service a bit earlier, but the heavy downpour and accompanying traffic had made that impossible. Even though she had gotten up quite early to prepare her son so she could drop him and his nanny off at her mother’s, the traffic from the outskirts of town to the residential area of the business district was ‘killing’ and that was putting it lightly. During the drive, she had continued praying, declaring, and ‘binding’. She refused to accept the prospect of that dream turning into a reality. The scandal, the shame, the setback… She called again but couldn’t get through. It all just felt like a huge setup. Finally, she arrived and hurriedly entered. Worship was now in full gear. She found a corner in the auditorium and took a seat. Suddenly she felt a sharp jolt. 

He felt her touch. He shuddered. No, not now, focus he warned himself sternly. He tried to take his mind back to the sermon, but that was a task in futility. She gazed at his lips. He tried to withdraw, but she held him firmly. 

The weather had changed drastically. Everywhere was pitch black except for the lightning flash which was closely followed by the deafening sound of thunder. The rain poured and poured and poured. She was enjoying every bit of this, and his unease just made her feel so much more powerful. She didn’t quite have a plan in mind, just the end result she sought. She stepped closer. Then came, the mother of all tripping as he fell with his back on the rather plush sofa…

Cassandra was frantic. She didn’t try to make sense of it all; she just knew it was near, not really sure what it was. She broke out in tongues, her heart pounding. She paced, up and down, first gently like a true lady, but soon gathering momentum. Now she was oblivious to everything going on around her. 

She approached him, kicking off her shoes. She smiled at the irony of it all as the changing tempo of the worship session filtered into the room. This was done and dusted. In her mind, she had ticked him off on her ‘list’. 

He gave up, it was all over. His suppressed emotions finally got the better of him and he wanted this. Really wanted this! A million thoughts raced through his mind. Suddenly the room went dark. A crashing sound followed. And an unexplainable force lifted him. 

The auditorium was silent. No one moved. No sound was heard. Just then the power supply was restored. The worship session had stopped abruptly after the crashing sound. 

Cassandra was tired, totally spent and managed to take hold of the chair closest to her as she crashed into it. Her mind was hazy but she felt a peace she could not understand and joy flowing through her heart. 

He opened his eyes not sure what had happened. He was flat on the floor. He reached for the podium and slowly pulled himself up. He was all ruffled, but it didn’t matter. He was exhausted. 

Naked, he poured out his heart, his soul, devoid of all prestige. He spoke unashamedly of his weaknesses and battles. He spoke of his life behind closed doors; his pain, his shame and didn’t quite know when fell on his knees wailing. There was no altar call. There was no need for it. The people came, flooding everywhere. He wasn’t aware. Nothing mattered. Time stood still. He felt His presence. And he knew beyond reasonable doubt that he was saved, delivered. 

The internet broke. It was his best outing ever. The church shook; even deacons come forward to rededicate their lives. There was no discrimination, the air was thick. Everyone was now flat on the ground either worshipping or confessing. 

She jerked. She wasn’t sure where she was. She followed the sound not sure where she was going. She felt uncomfortable, she looked at her dressing and for some reason, it felt totally inappropriate. She stumbled into the auditorium and was steadied by the most peaceful being she had ever seen. She felt lost and found all at the same time as the lady led her to a corner of the auditorium and then reached out for her second hand. She didn’t know when she fell on her knees. Neither did she know when the tears began rolling down, but she knew she wasn’t the same person again, she was home. 

Cassandra barely made it to her bed before falling asleep. It was a very deep sleep and she dreamt once again. She awoke a bit late the next morning and hurriedly prepared herself and her son for school. As they dashed into the gate, just before the bell rang, she bumped into a strikingly handsome man who was holding a cute little girl. Somehow, they exchanged numbers. Later they went on their very first date. They held their breath as they looked at it. First a line, then a second line, they were thrilled, ecstatic; it was the best anniversary gift ever. Just then, she remembered the dream and it all made sense. 

God walks in mysterious ways, but then, that is what makes Him God right? You may be struggling secretly, but God knows, yet He never gives up on you. That feeling of rejection is just a lie of the devil. Let go and let Him do away with the games and facades. Remember, you falling is not the end of you, neither is failing. Are you caught up in life, are you cruising along its highways without knowing where you are headed. Not to worry, the sun will shine very soon. Do I hear an amen ☺?